Growing up, I had developed what I refer to as an "emotional closet" where I stored my painful and repressed memories and feelings. These were hidden from my family, my friends, and the world at large. I was actually so good and adept at hiding these that I "hid" many even from myself, only to resurface years later in adulthood. And boy did they resurface! The anger, pain, and tears for no reason at all. The emotional mood swings. I just wanted to escape from it all. It was like being trapped in a dark room perpetually 24/7. I was truly "Sitting In Darkness, Sleeping In Silence".

I wasn't always depressed or lonely. Actually, I had the best childhood and upbringing that one could have ever asked for. I was raised in a family environment with two loving parents and siblings. Growing up in a Midwest town, in the 1970's was the best experience for me. It was a time when children could play outside without the worry of someone snatching, molesting or abusing them. In the spring and summer months, we slept with our windows open during the nighttime. I always had a number of friends at any given time and we traveled constantly to new cities and places.

Behind the brave and content face, I was alone and in a very dark place. I was smiling on the outside, but inside I felt pain, hurt, embarrassment and confusion.

In retrospect, a number of things transpired in my life that led up to the start of my depression and loneliness. Traumatic occurrences happened to me during that time period. This lead me to the realization that bad things sometimes happen to good people from good families.

By sharing the things contained in this book, though embarrassing and painful as they may be, I found the healing could begin. Unfortunately, many of these things were the good, the bad and the very ugly moments of my life. It is my hope that my story will inspire some to persevere when they reach the "edge of despair" in life.

How did I survive?

This is my story.

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